Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny. Show all posts

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Modern Music and The Future

I was thinking the other day about old people. I'm not too sure how I feel about the idea of getting old, it never looks like much fun. There is however, one particular facet which I am looking extremely forward to.

One thing the elderly seem to particularly enjoy is listening to the music of their youth. It must evoke memories of a long past hey day when the world was young and anything is possible. A once familiar sound, long since forgotten could suddenly awake new life into the winter years of these fine individuals.

This is all very well and good when the big hits are 'It's a long way to Tipperary' and 'We'll meet Again', but what about our generation? What combination of music and lyrics will bring us back from the brink of an endless grey reality?

Will THIS be a common site in nursing homes and residential care centres across the U.K. by 2075???









I SURE HOPE SO!!!!

Sunday, 19 February 2012

The Ballad of Jack and Ennis

This a faithful recounting of the most beautiful love I have ever witnessed. And it's devastating effects upon my neighbourhood.

In my second year of University, I lived in a two up two down student house that was built by the landlord, which all in all, didn't have a lot going for it:







The main redeeming feature was a large garden with table and chairs, and in the Summer Term of my tenancy, the garden was frequented by two cats. They were never seen without each other, and there was a pained aura to their relationship which  lead my house mates and I to believe they were living a secret. We decided they were gay and called them Jack and Ennis.




Many a day I'd see them cavorting round our garden, engaging in whatever activities gay cats who live in secret do. Hopping from fence to fence and wandering into our house whenever we left the back door open. It was cute.



However, one day the relationship took a dramatic turn. Jack went missing. And Ennis started to Meow.



At first it was sweet, though tinged with sadness. Ennis would walk around our gardens and the gardens that backed on calling for Jack. Always calling. We all felt sorry for Ennis. He'd finally found love, only to have it cruelly ripped away by the hands of fate (we never DID find out what happened to Jack).

After a couple of weeks though, our sympathy started to wane. It wasn't like the meowing was occasional, it was CONSTANT. On top of this, the Summer exams were coming up and we were all on edge. my bedroom backed onto the garden and the majority of  Ennis' pained outbursts occurred right outside my window. People turned up at our door assuming that the cats were ours. This just compounded my resentment towards Ennis. All sympathy for his plight had completely evaporated and his constant noise was beginning to wear away my sanity.




The lowest point was nightime. Ennis would come into our garden (we presumed that was the spot were Jack evaporated). And meow outside my window. The cat had a vendetta against me. He probably thought   I killed Jack and made him into stew. He woke me up, stopped me going to sleep, and acted as a handy alarm clock if you wanted to get up at 5:30 every morning. I had had a very stressful few months, and had been looking exceedingly forward to spending a couple of days relaxing before I went on a five week field trip to northern Scotland. Ennis wasn't having any of that though.

Around this point, I started to plot against the cat. I won't go into the details of what I was planning, but it would not have been pleasant for Ennis. Fortunately for him though, cats are fast and I am slow, not none of my ideas ever came to fruition. Around this time as well, I heard one of my neighbours down the street yelling demented profanities at  Ennis. He sounded like a broken man. It comforted me to know that I was not alone.


Eventually one day I cracked. It was 7:30 in the morning, and I had been out the night before. Ennis decided  that I needed to know more about his plight, and began to meow. I flipped. I opened my window and screamed like a banshee.




I don't think I've ever lost control like that before or since. I ran out into the garden, but Ennis has the presence of mind to bolt before I could grab him. I sat on one of the garden chairs and thought I was going to cry. I had been out manoeuvred by a cat.

Eventually Ennis stopped frequenting our garden and meowing outside my window, and the murderous rage inside me started to ebb.The sun came out and I got some sleep. We all began to heal.

Next year I moved house and never saw Ennis again. I sometimes wonder what happened to him, but like so many individuals who have a brief but profound impact on you, he has sailed out my life forever. This is the only time in my life I had seen what I knew to be genuine true love; and it almost killed us all. I hope I never feel the way I felt for Ennis about anything again, but that remains to be seen. I live at the back of the house this year too, and there is a very conversational dog nearby.........

HIT

Thursday, 16 February 2012

Adulthood.

                                                        This is how I feel about it