What kind of person Google thinks I am

Like the government, Chinese Industries and the charming Russian gentleman who controls the natural gas supply, Google is a power that I am vaguely wary of yet completely reliant on for a large part of my daily functionality. I suckle at the proverbial teat of Google morning noon and night, researching all topics under the sun from the higher concepts in physics to Courtney Stodden's freakish marriage. At some points I am painfully aware of this dependence but there is just no way around it.

Now to the main issue at hand.

I'm 98% sure that somewhere in the Californian bowels of the Google megastructure lurks a programme that logs each individual's Google searches and compiles them into some sort of 'profile'. I doesn't matter if your using your computer, a friends, or rubbing elbows with the pay-per-hour perverts in a public café. They will always know it's you.

Because of this notion, occasionally during my frenetic unending quest for largely useless knowledge I become increasingly uneasy about the kind of searches I am making and how they reflect upon me personally. Normally this isn't a problem, the majority of my browsing consists of Facebook, Youtube, News websites and until very recently checking THIS page every 13.5 seconds.  

However during moments of deep procrastination and boredom my mind has a tendency to wander to darker places and if Google IS keeping files on us all, then I am in deep shit. 

I don't INTEND to end up probing into these unnatural topics, it just seemed to happen. However recently I have been monitoring my own behaviour and I think I have pinpointed the series of events that leads to these shameful acts being committed. 

The process goes a little something like this: 

I begin a session of work, hyper motivated and super pumped about the challenge assigned to me. 

This feeling doesn't last long; and then my mind begins to wonder. (In this instance to Family Guy, as I have a 14 year old boys sense of humour)

This begins to irritate me. It irritates me to the point that I can no longer do any more work until I know WHAT that term means. I know I won't like the answer, and I know I'll bitterly regret Googling it, but I do it anyway. 

This process can be repeated up to ten times during busy work days. It not only limited to depraved sexual acts either. It can be anything from finding out if you can order explosives online to learning more about something I saw on Bodyshock that I didn't believe was physically possible. 

In real life, I am quite nice and unassuming, and you would not expect this kind of behaviour from me. However, in the eyes of Google, I probably look a little like this: 

No. No this is not normal in the slightest. It is an abomination. Thank you Google. Thank you for making me this. 

Don't ever leave me.....<3

(P.S. The irony of posting a blog about Google dependence on a Google hosted website is in no way lost on me )