Why I Should Probably Learn To Drive

This is a  post about the most annoying/terrifying things that have ever happened to me on trains. A lifetime of travel by railway has given me a wealth of anecdotes and opinions. Enjoy!!!

1) One of the things I have frequently experienced during my time as National Rail's Bitch is the train grinding to a complete halt due to signal failings, cows, leaves, snow, or maybe even death eaters on the line. Who knows. Either way your not going anywhere fast.

Life however moves on around you, and this can make you extremely resentful of anyone who is getting anywhere faster than you are. 

2) Missing Trains  

The hardest part is pretending that you didn't really want that train anyway.

3) The Time I thought the end of my days had come.

The other two scenarios in this post are fairly gross exaggerations of fairly mundane events. This however is probably the most faithful recounting of an episode in my life that I will ever tell.

First: Lets set the scene.

 I was in a very overcrowded train on the underground Victoria line heading towards St. Pancras station. I was travelling back up to university after the Christmas holidays, and an overloading of  thick woolly jumpers and DVDs meant that my bag weighed about 11 stone, also I may have been hungover. I don't normally like travelling on the underground, and this was exacerbated by the fact that it was a Sunday and most of the other train lines were down for repairs. I was wedged in place by the shear force of everyone pressing against me. I probably could have lifted my feet of the floor and remained upright.

Bearing all this in mind: the train then stopped in the middle of the tunnel and the lights went out

All things considered, I feel I handled the situation remarkably well. I stood there patiently, waiting for the fireball I knew was about to engulf me. It was my destiny to die here wedged between groups of tourists and trenchcoat masturbators. The other people on the coach were clearly feeling the same; we exchanged a nervous giggle as a group. It is important to note that you are more likely to witness man colonising Mars than you are people acnologing each other on the London underground. I more sure than ever that I was going to die.



And then the lights came back on.

I had felt better than that before I can assure you. 

THE END